THE TOP 10 WAYS TO MAKE A MILLION IN SPAIN
1. Build a golf course. A time honoured route to enormous wealth, this involves finding a plot of worthless scrubland, miles from anywhere, that suffers desperate water shortages. Using grasses developed in the Australian outback and a marketing consultant from Saatchis, you can quickly extort massive profits from selling ‘retirement in paradise’. 18 holes are never needed, as one swing of a golf club in 45 degrees of heat will be enough to satisfy the hardiest player.
2. Write a book of fiction as a ‘Spanish’ author. The Spanish have only one book of fiction after 1000 years of civilisation. They are now fed up with Cervantes’ ‘Don Quijote de la Mancha’ and the door is wide open for another best seller. Consider a road story about driving a silver coloured Seat round the wind turbine sites of Spain whilst pretending to be Fernando Alonso.
3. Construct 10 Adosados To make serious money, these must be absolutely identical to thousands of others and extraordinarily ugly. Always first knock down some properties of historical importance before starting to build. Wherever possible, ensure the kitchen is on the top floor, the stairs are endless and the al fresco area is an un-shaded roof terrace equivalent to a frying pan.
4. Start a rental company for cranes No part of the beautiful Spanish landscape will now ever be truly complete without ‘the national bird of Spain’ rising above it. When construction stops, communities will club together to have their very own crane towering permanently over their properties. Steel yourself for the initial capital costs but then enjoy the rising rental returns and the local status of providing high art to the people.
5. Invent a cure for sangria induced hangovers It is de rigueur for any foreigner coming to Spain to get totally smashed on sangria every night for 14 days. However, the hangovers are so severe that they preclude drinking more sangria until late midday. This wastes time. Earn a fortune by inventing a solution that will allow drinking to re-commence at first light. You will garner the eternal thanks of tourists and the sangria industry alike.
6. Claim publicly that the Moors controlled Spain for 800 years Be prepared to lose all your court cases in Spain as the Spanish will deny that the Moors existed. Take your case to the European Courts and win a million in emotional distress as the truth is proven. However, be prepared to leave Spain shortly thereafter.
7. Design a watch that always gains a day Guaranteed to make you a million, this will sell in untold numbers to anyone, Spanish or British, who intend to employ a builder. Given as a present at the start of any construction work, it will always show manana as today and yesterday as the day before. A wonderful device, it will enhance a builder’s performance beyond measure.
8. Provide a consultancy service to weather forecasters Bored and suicidal, weather forecasters in Spain need help. They will pay excellent money to anyone prepared to listen to them talking about cyclones, anti-cyclones and varied advancing weather fronts. Be prepared for some highs and lows before you make your windfall.
9. Develop a system that keeps a shower hot for 30 seconds after the gas bottle has run out. The Spanish national health service will pay millions to you for distribution of this device. Particularly vital during the winter, the current cost to the state ambulance service and intensive care units, due to heart attack victims, is enormous.
10. Produce a Format to make Spanish bank statements literate. This novel concept should be copyrighted before being sold to all ex-patriots of every nationality who will be able to overlay the Format on their Spanish bank statements. By doing so, they will cunningly be able to spot previously unmentioned extortionate bank charges.
Copyright Nick Snelling (www.nicholassnelling.com) author of three books on Spain including ‘How to Move Safely to Spain’ (www.movesafelytospain.com)
ENDS
|